i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
