how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
