there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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