I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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