Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
