he looks like a really good dad on facebook
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
