He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
