If that was your dad, he is hot
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
