I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
