last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
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