I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
