he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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