so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
