singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
