so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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