Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
