The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
