Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
