i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
