what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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