worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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