can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
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used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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