foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
