I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Say something about gay babies.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
