Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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