i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
