Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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