You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
