I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
