I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
