Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
