You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I love you.
Bad choice
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize