I got chris browned last night
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
