I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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