Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
