____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
