phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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