my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
