I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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