she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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