come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
