Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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