Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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