Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
