I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
