barbara walters just said penis...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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