just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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