Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize