i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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