he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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