I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
and you fell through a lawn chair
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
