Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize