he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
