i would punch a child for taco bell
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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