My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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