why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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