If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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