hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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