I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i dont even know how to be here
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
