Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
