idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
