her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
