While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
