the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
