last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she peed on how many people?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
