He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
the liver wants what the liver wants
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
