The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
