Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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