Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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