I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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