maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Randomize
