im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
wrigley field is MILF paradise
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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